A lot of the dating advice or tips that can normally be found online revolve purely around the logistics of dating – what you should wear, what to expect when you are on the actual date, the do’s and don’ts of what you should or shouldn’t do, when to next make contact…
The information is often targeted by gender and the content of such written matter appears to be mainly about analysing the other person’s behaviour – despite the fact we are all different and react in different ways. It seeks to reassure the reader or warn them of the impending downfall of a relationship that hasn’t even started… a little bit like when you’re not very well and type your symptoms online? Gloom and doom is normally what you end up with.
The so-called advice just feeds popular beliefs that become like gospel and you will all have heard things like you should wait 3 days before making contact, the man should do this or the woman should do that… There is very little out there that just says: ‘Be Yourself’. Yet it is probably the best single piece of advice you will ever receive. The truth is, if someone wants to see you again, you will definitely know about it, they will contact you again quickly and be very clear about it so why waste time worry about it?
I know this now but it did not come easily nor naturally. I found in my own journey that I experienced a genuine sense of paranoia when dating – especially when I liked the person. I would avidly read about body language, talk to my friends about it to find out what they thought and trawled the internet but there was only very little available about the feelings I was experiencing or what I should be doing. As a single person, the real stuff I needed to know and really concentrated on was the attitude I should have towards meeting others, dating and most importantly myself.
This is why I decided to write what I would like others to see as ‘real’ tips as ultimately, it is your attitude that will allow you to meet the person right for you… We all love the romantic idea that there is someone out there that is ‘The One’. A number of people associate this with perfection and unfortunately, this assumption can lead to missed opportunities and contribute to many failed relationships.
I heard from someone when I was younger that there are probably 3 different right ‘Ones’ throughout the course of your life and I would actually tend to agree with that theory.
- The first person you fall in love with – Normally sets the tone and the way the relationship goes will probably define the way you will look at your future partners.
- The mother/ father of your kids (or the person you first properly settle with if you have not got any children).
- The one you will actually spend the rest of your life with (often once the kids have flown the nest). The connection with this person is probably one of the strongest you will experience, as you will have learnt what you need through your life experience.
What most of us forget is that it is all about the journey… There is nothing wrong with being single, we sometimes just have to go through the trials and tribulations of dating so we can recognise the right person when we find it.
Part 2 will be available next week…