We are all too often guilty of setting very high expectations for ourselves… But are we expecting too much from others too?
The answer is that yes, you probably do. In fact, we all do it, regardless of age, gender, etc…
Unfortunately, as a rule, any kind of expectations is pretty much always doomed, just as much as assumptions are. Both actually have a pretty similar definition and really go hand in hand; they represent ‘a strong belief that something will happen or be the case, without proof’.
It is fairly easy to spot and recognise if you pay attention to the language being used. Statements such as ‘I deserve to be treated properly’, ‘I deserve better’, or even ‘I’m fed up of having to make the effort all the time’ highlight that we anticipate people to act in a certain way, without any input from us. It shows how we expect others to make our lives better. And quite simply, that’s not going to happen.
Expectations lead to disappointment, and the only person you should be expecting anything from is yourself. Based on the fact we create our own reality through the way our brain processes and filters information, what exactly are we founding these on? It’s actually quite an easy answer… Expectations come from all that we want and wish for, our dreams and hopes. We feel that people should act in a certain way if they really liked us and wanted to make us feel special, yet we rarely voice what it is we want. We believe that they should know.
Unfortunately, there is little point in looking to others to make us feel good or provide us with whatever we feel we deserve. The truth is that we are responsible for our own happiness and shouldn’t seek approval or look to someone else to make us feel better, in exactly the same way that other people are responsible for their own lives and creating their own bliss.
However, expectations are common as they are an unconscious behaviour. We expect someone to do something but don’t tell them, and then assume they somehow know. And we wonder why we end up disappointed!? By doing so, we also create a warped idea of who the other person is, instead of looking at who they truly are, and accepting them as that. Expectations make us try to change people, as we unconsciously want to mould them to what we believe is right. The fact is that people will only change through their own life experiences and what they encounter, not because we want them to. Their main traits don’t normally change and if they do, it’s only temporary. In reality, these will probably accentuate as they get older.
We are the key to our own door and with just a little bit of knowledge and understanding, you can come to realise that you are the one person that can bring everything that you desire to yourself. It takes acceptance and isn’t always easy as it means you will have to make choices and take chances, taking full responsibility for the outcomes instead of having someone else to blame.
The realisation of this though means that your life can change for the better if you really want it to. You’re not a prisoner, only of your own thoughts and beliefs. You will only get results by using a different approach than that you have used in the past, and that is to give to yourself what you are currently expecting others to provide.