We all want to get our own way. We would like to have it all, our dreams, wishes, a career we love… But for most of us, what we desire the most is the perfect relationship. And it is actually a lot easier to get than we think…
Through life, we all experience good and bad. Unfortunately, because of our very own and very efficient self-criticism mechanism, we normally wallow in the bad more than we do in the good. If someone pays us a compliment, we first have to accept it (which a number of people struggle to do). Let’s say that we take it gracefully, we will then feel good about ourselves for a while, but the minute someone tells us something that we don’t like, we will seethe about it and probably remember it for months to come.
This is particularly true with our partners. We seem to focus on all the little things that they don’t say or do as opposed to what they actually say or do for us. It’s the same in dating; once we have been on a few dates that have not turned out to be what we wanted, we kind of expect more of the same. We come to unconsciously believe the worst is going to happen.So we end up in a world full of negatives where we not only focus on what we don’t like but we also don’t really allow ourselves to see what is going right.
I am not sure if you have ever heard about the Law of Attraction but it’s a fairly simple concept: like attracts like. The easiest way to explain it is that the grumpier you are, the more red traffic lights you are going to come across basically. You attract what you focus on and think about. Think of a magnet; the negative cannot attract the positive. This is why the people who keep on talking about how badly they are being treated by their partners or how rubbish their last date was, attract more of the same. Essentially, it becomes their expectation and this is the moment when you will hear all sorts of generalisations such as ‘why does it never go right for me?’.
If we focus on what we do not want, that’s what we will attract. The more negative we are about something or a situation, the worse it normally becomes. A simple shift in our mindset could totally change the outcome. It’s not always easy and sometimes, we need a bit of help in recognising that we do it and catch ourselves actually doing it. There are a few simple things that you can do to start initiating a different result because it’s all in the mind. Set it to what you want, as opposed to what you don’t want. As Henry Ford said, ‘If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, either way you are right.’
Believing that there is nothing you can do about your situation, or that everything is out of your remit, will bring what you consider to be failure and no results. So, beware of being overly negative, as this normally leads to frustrations and a whole new vicious circle. Changing your state of mind and sense of expectations, as well as reframing situations, is key to bringing you the perfect relationship.