Even the most confident of people can get nervous before a first date. The way you originally had contact with the other person will have an impact but whether this is from an online dating site or someone you have briefly met before, emotions often take over. Butterflies in the stomach, sweaty palms or palpitations are some of the signs that most will experience.
These 5 simple tips will help to put you at ease.
It’s all in the mind
Literally. In terms of adrenaline or a sense of anticipation, the brain does not differentiate between fear and excitement as the chemicals released are actually the same. You therefore have the power to consciously decide where your thoughts go and how you react to your own emotions and nerves. The best way to do so is to calmly sit for 10 minutes, control your breathing, close your eyes and ask yourself what the worse outcome could be. The answer is usually ‘nothing’.
Make sure you don’t just go on a date with anyone
It’s amazing how many people go on a date ‘just in case’ or because ‘you never know…’, yet have actually established beforehand that they aren’t necessarily interested in that person. It is worth reminding yourself it’s about the quality of the dates you have, not the quantity.
Save yourself time and prevent disappointment by actually being a bit selective with who you choose to meet. Make sure you have been talking enough to know if you have things in common and similar ideas or values. This isn’t to mean you should communicate with them for months on end but if you have never met before, chemistry is impossible to predict so having at least a couple of things to talk about will help. It also stops you wasting your time as well as theirs.
Don’t interview the other person
Before going on a date, you probably should prepare yourself as you would for a job interview and making sure you are in the right state of mind, as it also helps with the nerves. This is where it ends though. It is terribly off putting to have someone literally question you as if it were the Spanish Inquisition, as you know damn well they are just ticking the boxes on the checklist in their head. You don’t need to have a checklist, you are there to find out if you like someone and want to find out more about them, not what they earn or the car they drive. Ask real questions about their likes and dislikes or their experiences. Be a refreshing change!
Be interested in the other person
Too many people will also just talk and talk and talk about themselves… And then talk some more… Whilst this can be a sign of nervousness, you shouldn’t try and convince someone of how great you are. Just let them find out for themselves. Giving little opportunity to the other person to speak will make you appear extremely self-centred. It’s also extremely boring. A conversation is an exchange and shouldn’t be one way so make it about them, not you.
Don’t have any expectations
This is the main issue when going on a date. They normally set you up for failure as the other person will never be who you thought they were in your own mind. Expectations often lead to disappointment so just let go of control and of the thoughts that ‘this could be it’. Let life live you and just enjoy the date for what it is as opposed to what you want it to be or imagine it to be.
I am currently offering some free 30-minute Breakthrough Sessions, where we will look at where you are now and where you want to be. Together, we will look at ways to get you there FAST so that you can start getting the results that you want.