When a single person decides they want to meet someone, they are often asked what they are looking for and in general, their answer will be around looks, intelligence, sense of humour, status, jobs and/ or money.
Interestingly enough, this is one of the reasons why they often don’t meet the right person and in a nutshell, that’s because their focus is wrong. It is actually a very common answer for both genders and regardless of their sexual inclination but it’s not the right one. We forget that all of the above could change quite dramatically and at a moment’s notice. Most people spend far too much time and energy concentrating on the wrong attributes and end up missing out on the kind of partners that would suit them so much better.
The qualities that you should look for in a potential partner are very different from the list of stuff that people are usually looking for. They are far less likely to change, yet will determine the entire relationship and even how successful it will be. So instead, what you need to start looking for is chemistry, connection and conversation.
Chemistry is not just defined by looks and in fact, is very complex. It is about the emotional and physical interaction that two people have. It doesn’t actually matter what someone looks like because chemistry isn’t about that; it’s an animal attraction, a complicated reaction triggered by brain stimulation and that will create feelings of love and sexual attraction. It creates the bond and is linked to the next characteristic you should be looking for, which is essential.
The connection between two people isn’t something that can be seen. It can only be felt and will come from the chemistry. It cannot be forced, it will either happen or won’t and whatever money someone has, what they look like or their job title will not play any part. The connection you have with someone will in turn bring the conversation, which, again, can’t be qualified or brought to purely by how intelligent or funny someone is. It either flows or it doesn’t.
We often forget that money and looks can go. Intelligence only means that you are on a level and a sense of humour can change as we evolve. All of these things are essentially down to the environment and circumstances of the individual at the time, whereas chemistry, connection and conversation are traits that are characteristic of a relationship and a better basis because they indicate long lasting foundations.
Unfortunately, you will have no way of knowing if you have either of those attributes unless you meet the person face to face and unfortunately, online dating parameters do not allow us to search for them. This is why it is important to be conscious that these three traits are what you should be looking for in someone and to reserve judgement based purely on appearance.
So the next time you go on a date or meet someone, just ask yourself this: is there chemistry, is there connection and is there conversation? Because if there is (and regardless of the checklist you have in your head), you should give that person a chance, as you will have a higher chance of getting on and being in each other’s lives for a very long time, even if it’s just as friends. The chances are though, that you will end up together even though they are not ‘your type’. How many people have you heard saying ‘they’re not my usual type or what I was looking for but it works…’