Interestingly enough, it is actually often this longing that will prevent them from meeting that person because they unconsciously put all of their hopes and dreams of being happy into a relationship. They feel that it can’t really happen if they are just by themselves and that they need someone to complete them. Therefore, their happiness becomes conditional and attached to being with somebody. Unfortunately, the truth is that you need to be happy single and on your own first.
We don’t always take the time to think about these things but it’s important to define what happiness means to you, as it’ll mean different things to different people. A good rule of thumb is that it should bring you joy, contentment, well-being and makes you feel good. And we can all have that without being in a relationship… So ask yourself what makes you happy. Take the time and write it all down, work out what you could do more of or how to get more out of life, without anybody. Happiness, like sadness or any other emotions, is a vicious circle and depends on what you focus on. The more attention you put on something, the more you’ll get.
When a relationship ends, it leaves a void in our lives and a lot of people feel the need to recreate a feeling of belonging. The person who made the decision will have already completed the grieving cycle but those who are left, often try to fill that gap as soon as they can. They miss the companionship and want to feel loved. This is unfortunately counter-productive and what they should really try to do is to take some time out, by themselves.
Before moving on, we need to rediscover who we have become and who we now are. We also should spend some time assessing what went wrong or wasn’t working well. However difficult it is to admit to ourselves, we all play a part in the demise of a relationship. Refusing to acknowledge that fact only leads to mistakes being repeated and unhealthy patterns created for the future. This is also why moving on too quickly creates issues. Finding the place where you feel happy in your own skin and in your own company is key. You might need some help in the process but no one can make it all ok but you.
So if you are struggling to meet someone, it could just be that before you find them, you need to find yourself. Not only is it essential for your future happiness but also for you to meet not just anyone, but the right person…