Commitment can be regarded as something scary and that needs to be thought about carefully. To be honest, it is something that should not be taken lightly but for some, it brings deep anxiety, is a terrifying prospect and just means losing their independence. It is important to understand what commitment means and a simple definition could be that we dedicate ourselves solely to one person.
Some people are commitment phobes and some people believe they are commitment phobes when in fact, they aren’t really. It is more about their gut instinct telling them that their partner is not right for them and not wanting to admit it to themselves. We all look for that person that will be perfect for us and we often know inside whether they are or not.
If you believe yourself to be unable to commit, the chances are that you will be right and if you believe yourself to be able to commit, the chances are that you will also be right. However, real commitment phobia can stem from many different origins and will be very personal to each individual. The original triggers may not even be known or recognised and will be well hidden in the unconscious mind. Identifying and establishing the causes is key to changing the behaviour and will require a large amount of work but the person will have to want to change too.
We all have our own idea of perfection and of what we want in someone. Unfortunately, we normally only look at the surface, i.e. looks, jobs, financials, and these things are actually somehow irrelevant. We all age and material things can disappear overnight. People actually rarely really know what they want at a deeper level and it is therefore important to really think about what is truly wanted from the perfect partner. Looking back at our own history, questioning what we have liked and learnt from the people we chose to partner with, is a good way to start. It is also helpful to know what we did not like but we mainly need to focus on what we want.
It is also sometimes easy to listen to outside influences who mean well but do not necessarily know what we really need. We also live in a world where there is a lot of fantasy and where we feel we always should have more… whatever ‘more’ is.
It is important to note that timing and our own personal development will contribute to it as we are all different and will not all be ready at the same time. We are individuals with our own quirks, experiences, stories, emotions, reactions and interpretations. What works for one person may not work for another and it is important to be reminded that life is a journey. Unfortunately, society sometimes pushes us to conform to ‘the mold’ and we are somehow expected to follow a certain path.
Meeting the right person does not happen like it does in movies, it happens when we are ready and when we allow ourselves to… Once it does, the fear of losing our independence or the fact that we could meet someone better suited to us just disappears and will not even enter our mind. It is also worth bearing in mind that sometimes, we don’t/ can’t/ won’t commit because we know deep down that the person isn’t right for us.
So is commitment really a scary thing? Only if you believe it to be…
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