One of the common complaints from people in the early stages of a relationship is that their partners change and aren’t the same person that they were at the start. This is actually one of the main reasons why relationships fail in the first few months and one that could be easily avoided.
Unfortunately, people change because they weren’t honest about who they were in the first place, not just to their dates but to themselves. It is therefore really important to firstly know who you are and what you want. So if you are for instance a home buddy who doesn’t really enjoy the outdoors or live music, there is absolutely no point starting a relationship with someone who wants to go out and enjoy either of those activities every weekend, however well you get on. It quite simply will not work long term as you start to resent going to these things and will probably unconsciously try to change the other person as well.
So knowing who you are is the first step. Acknowledging and recognising the signs that there is little point in trying to become someone you’re not is the second.
Obviously, when we start going out with somebody and we like them, we want to please them and we want them to like us too. This is normally where people become dishonest without realising it. Of course, being on your best behaviour for the first few dates is totally normal and what you should do. The problem comes when you start accepting or doing things that don’t resonate quite right with your own values and beliefs or with your interests. We are not all going to be the same and whilst we should have some similarities, it would be very boring if we didn’t have some things that differ from our partners.
It is actually all about gut feelings. Do you feel like you are dreading a particular outdoor activity? Or the fact that you will just be watching movies and not go out all weekend? At the beginning, we don’t always care what we do as long as we are spending time with our special someone. But it is worth doing your own self checks… If the person didn’t want you to do this, would you? Regularly?
We also sometimes change some of our personality when we start dating and we worry that if we show a particular side, it will be a deal breaker. The truth is, there is only one way to have a successful relationship and it is to be honest about who you are from the start. In my case, I wanted to show how strong I was and how I could handle everything without showing any signs of weakness. As a result, I did attract quite a few people who were quite needy as I was the rock they wanted… But I am not as strong a rock as I liked to portray and actually quite an emotional person underneath it all. Needless to say that these relationships did not last.
We often forget that life is a journey and as we go through it, experiencing the good and the bad, we change and grow. It is worth taking some time out every now and again to remind ourselves of who we really are and what matters to us. Only once you know yourself and are truly honest from the start will you be successful in dating and growing relationships.
I am currently offering some free 30-minute Breakthrough Sessions, where we will look at where you are now and where you want to be. Together, we will look at ways to get you there FAST so that you can start getting the results that you want.