Control is a deeply engrained behaviour within us because it makes us feel safe. When things happen to us and we don’t feel in control, we feel vulnerable and scared. One of the best ways to describe it is that we want the power to influence and direct people’s actions or the course of events, but especially believe that we are able to obtain the outcome that we want. But are we really in control or is it all an illusion?
The truth is that we may at times have the perception of control but that is all it is, a perception. We may feel that we are in control of other people or outcomes but we’re not. The only thing that we can influence is our own life and happiness. Even then, we can’t force things to be the way that we believe they should be. This just results in creating anxiety because we aren’t open to what could in fact be better for us.
It is actually about understanding and getting to know yourself properly, what makes you tick, your fears and your ideals. Once you do, you will then also begin to understand others. This will allow you to be able to relate to them better and get their point of view, even if you don’t agree. This removes the need to control situations, as it is just not necessary anymore. In terms of relationships, this will cause less arguments and increase the love and affection that you have for each other, simply because you both have a better daily life experience. The need to be ‘right’ is what creates conflict.
We feel that we need control because we are scared of the unknown and reassured by what is familiar. We also often look to the worst case scenario as opposed to what could go well or right. When we try to control a situation, the only thing we are really doing is trying to manipulate it in order to get the result that we want and that we believe to be best for everyone.
Relinquishing control has many benefits. As mentioned before, it removes a certain level of anxiety because we then no longer worry about what the outcome will be. It also gives us a deeper meaning and a sense of relief, creating a new-found happiness. Control and the constant agonizing over what we want to happen means that we carry a lot of weight. Once you stop trying to control people or situations, it will literally lift off your shoulders and the sense of liberation can be overwhelming. You will notice how you become true to yourself too, which will allow you to love and respect YOU, truly, relying purely on yourself for fulfilment and only looking to others to add to your life as opposed to being a crutch, or carrying you and your emotions. It also means that you will be more confident in your choices and have more assurance.
Wouldn’t you rather enjoy life and the process? Once you are happy inside and in your own relationship with the true you, without worrying about the ‘what ifs’ or getting your own way, you will start to allow a real flow with others. You may not get the outcomes that you thought you wanted but you will probably be pleasantly surprised too, as your expectations get exceeded…