How to Deal with Rejection

One of the things that we all really want, is for our relationships to be long-lasting, happy and fulfilling, but sometimes it doesn’t work out that way and conflicts occur. We have to make efforts, compromise from time to time and do things we don’t really want to do. Unfortunately, not all relationships will last…

Rejection is probably the one thing we all dread. Whether it’s in a romantic relationship, in a family setting or with a friend, in the work environment, it hurts on so many levels and can also make us feel like there’s something wrong with us. Besides, if it is a regular occurrence, it will have a detrimental effect on the way we see and value ourselves.

The truth is, we will all face some form of rejection at some point or another in our lives. We know it will happen, we know it’s not nice, but we don’t like it and we will attempt everything we can to prevent it. We even often worry about it in anticipation because no one likes getting hurt. The most common reaction is to try to control the situation and often leads to a lot of game-playing, which incidentally never works and is probably creating more damage.

The one thing we don’t do with rejection is embrace it. We see it as a really bad thing and there are reasons why it is so deeply engrained within us. Through history, if someone was ostracised from their family or clan, their chances of survival became pretty slim purely because, as human beings, we don’t actually do that well on our own. So rejection wasn’t just about the emotional pain but survival.

What we should really do is a real effort to understand why a relationship breaks down, but this should be done in a constructive manner. This isn’t about pointing the finger at either party and blaming the world, but genuinely appreciating why a person, relationship, job or situation is no longer right for us. This also shouldn’t be about self-destruction and over-analysing what we did or didn’t do, our flaws and falling into a downward spiral of low self-esteem, but comprehending where the problem came from, as it will probably have run deep and for quite a while.

We need to realise that at times, doors have to be closed. Yes, it is a cliché but it is also a very good analogy. As we grow and evolve on our life journey, certain things, people or situations no longer serve us. Sometimes, the door closes forever and sometimes, the door is only closed for a while. Learning the lesson and understanding that you are being led in a different direction, which is better aligned with who you have become, will allow you to find the key to the right door.

And yes, it is difficult to rationally understand this when you are in the midst of deep emotions, but if you are going through a difficult time and you are finding that things just aren’t going your way, look at your life and look at yourself. What are the circumstances around you trying to teach you? What is the lesson that you need to learn? What keeps on showing up and repeating itself? We can be guilty of creating a vicious circle because we’re not on the right path. We all want everything yesterday, but sometimes, we need to understand that the timing isn’t right and we also have to accept that. And sometimes, it’s a combination of things.

We really shouldn’t forget that everything happens for a reason…

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