Most people who have been single for a while will fall in one or more of the following categories. They either just can’t meet anyone, they attract the wrong types, the people they meet are not as they said they were, the chemistry isn’t there or it just doesn’t last.
Nowadays, the easiest way to meet a new partner, regardless of age, is online dating and most of us will resort to it at some point to try and find our perfect match. We normally start off being quite rigid and selective in terms of our search criteria but there is often a time where we entertain people we normally wouldn’t. Whatever mean used to meet people, we are all guilty to sometimes end up just going on dates that are a waste of time or indeed dating people that are just plain wrong for us, ‘just because you never know’…
Actually, we know we are riding a dead horse and that there is no future but we don’t listen to our gut instinct and we just carry on ‘just because you never know’… Actually, we do know, deep down. We just don’t admit it to ourselves and keep on pushing to give it a go against our better judgement, which is never going to end well and is likely to cause more damage in the long run. Not only do are we wasting our time, it can affect us in many different ways, such as self esteem or our own sense of worth.
If you ask a single person if he or she knows what they want, they will always say yes and start reeling off a list of all the essentials and all the no-nos, looks, status, good sense of humour, etc… It is also known as ‘the checklist’ and is normally quite superficial. In a nutshell, this tick list is normally where single people who can’t find their match go wrong. It very rarely reflects the person’s deeper needs and why relationships do not last.
Chemistry is vital. But it is often forgotten that chemistry doesn’t come from looks. It is something that we use with everybody we meet, from colleagues to friends, not just in a dating situation. Basing a decision purely on what someone looks like is being short-sighted as chemistry also comes from getting to know somebody, their intellect and the emotional connection you will form together. Relationships that last are normally based on those foundations.
So yes, chemistry is essential. But what about the rest? As we have just said, most people think they know what they want but they don’t really. Therefore, the first thing to do before looking at what someone would bring to you and to your life is to look at yourself and what you have to offer.
It is essential to know who we really are, what makes us tick, what our values are and what we stand for. These will have evolved over time and will have been affected by our relationships. So as well as looking at ourselves, it is important to spend some time looking back at our previous partners, what we liked and disliked about them, what they brought to us and what we brought to them.
Only once we have done that can we start to form an idea of what we truly want in a person… The secret is to know yourself.
I am currently offering some free 30-minute Breakthrough Sessions, where we will look at where you are now and where you want to be. Together, we will look at ways to get you there FAST so that you can start getting the results that you want.