There can be times of struggle in a marriage and there are several reasons for this, which are often interlinked. Problems very rarely happen overnight but need to be recognised and acknowledged. It is all too easy sometimes to not confront an issue where it should be nipped in the bud quickly, in order to prevent devastating consequences. Here are the 4 most usual hitches couples are likely to experience.
Once the ring is on the finger, it is common for one of the spouses to start wanting to change the other. Whether it’s their beliefs, dress sense or opinions, they feel that they should mould them to their own image. The truth is that the only person you can change is yourself, so it is extremely unhealthy to attempt to make someone different. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and resentment in the long term. Accepting each other’s flaws and differences as well as celebrating them, is a sign of mutual respect and love.
It is worth remembering that talking doesn’t mean communicating. A real conversation should be true, deep and honest, however difficult certain conversations can be. Saying exactly what you mean and feel is vital in any relationship, but that’s especially true in a marriage. Often, once the kids have flown the nest is the time when couples look at each other and realise they don’t actually know who the person looking back at them really is. It is essential to make an effort to communicate properly rather than routinely.
With the ever-increasing pressure of family, work and all the things that people feel they should be doing, couples often forget to allow to make time for each other. This isn’t about organising complicated and extravagant ‘date nights’, but spending real quality time together instead of watching TV whilst both are on their separate phones or tablets. Technology can interfere in marriages and come between the two partners.
As a result of poor communication and/ or little quality time spent together, comes the lack of emotional and physical intimacy. Both are crucial for a marriage to last, as they deepen the bond between both people. Insufficient affection and sexual fulfilment often leads to each person seeking something that will give them the pleasure and appreciation that they are lacking at home. This can lead to having separate lives and in essence, becoming more like housemates. Ultimately, emotional or physical infidelity becomes a real danger because deep down, we all need to feel wanted and appreciated. It may not be a conscious realisation but being emotionally deprived in a relationship is very unhealthy and damaging, for both parties.
The main problem is that life and routine get in the way. If we don’t remind ourselves regularly and if these things aren’t tackled properly, we face the chance of both changing and going in different directions. as opposed to carrying on looking at the future in the same way together. We are all probably guilty of this at times. Marriage and the vows we took should be renewed regularly, we should remind our spouses why we are grateful to have them in our lives and why we love them. Unfortunately, taking someone for granted is more common than we like to admit. It might be a bit cliché but we need to treat our partners as we wish to be treated.
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