Most of us will have done things that we are not necessarily proud of and I think it’s fair to say we probably all have some skeletons in our closets. Most of the time, they are just details that we would rather keep to ourselves, because they are kind of no longer relevant and just a part of our journey
Some other things are much bigger. And sometimes, what we don’t say and admit to other people is how deeply unhappy we really are, either because of something that happened in the past or because of our current circumstances.
We are being dishonest. Not to anybody else but to ourselves. We pretend. We hide the truth and we do ‘the Ostrich’, burying our head in the sand, trying to believe that all is well and that it will get better when _______________________________ (fill in the blank). We live in the expectation that something is going to change and that everything is going to be ok, but we don’t do anything to make that happen. We often believe that we don’t have a choice but to stay as we are.
All these are signs that you are living a lie. And ultimately, it is going to hurt you. The longer you leave it and live it, the more damage and regret you will encounter.
‘Three things cannot long be hidden: the sun, the moon and the truth’ – Buddha
Facing up the truth is something that start with yourself. We don’t want to because we don’t want to get hurt.
As human beings, we fear pain and we hate having to make decisions. We like our comfort and our routine because it makes us feel safe. So when we are unhappy, we try to find ways to not challenge the status quo so that we can make life bearable. Then what we do is that we hope. We hope that things will miraculously change.
But the truth is that things won’t change. Actually, things aren’t the problem at all, we are. And your life will not get any better until you accept that and start taking steps towards getting what you want.
When you are living a lie, you live in fear. You worry about what other people would think of you if they knew the truth, how they would judge you and if you would then become a disappointment. We are so worried about what other people think of us that we get stuck. In our head first and then in our lives.
The solution comes from a place of acceptance. Recognising that you are living a lie but also that you are compromising your own integrity – with yourself. Some people experience guilt, either because of the past or because they believe they should somehow be thinking or feeling in a different way. Some even start to think that they deserve to be punished in some way.
What really needs to happen is that you need to forgive yourself for whatever you have done, said, think or feel. You need to accept your own truth instead of repressing reality, and then start to make some changes to move out of this lie and place of limbo. All it takes is to make that one decision.
We fear the future so much because we worry the worst-case scenario will happen. But the future hasn’t happened yet, you are still to create it. Living a lie will keep you in a cage for the rest of your life where being true to yourself will not only set you free but bring you happiness too. Which would you rather?
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