In most cases, when you are single, you have a mental list of what you want in a partner, which is often referred to as ‘the checklist’.
It is often very comprehensive and will be an inventory of the ideal suitor, from eye colour, height and body shape through to his/ her finances and social status, without forgetting the hobbies and kind of things the individual should be into. This list normally depends on your age and personal experiences. It normally changes through life as people gain a better understanding and knowledge of themselves.
A single person is generally very quick to voice the contents of the checklist, going through it bit by bit, analysing the details of how someone doesn’t fit the bill. Many have said that dates sometimes feel like a job interview with the criteria for and against their potential suitability being ticked away in front of their very eyes.
People will then say that they don’t understand why they are single and how all the good ones have gone, yet the opportunities are right in front of their eyes but they dismiss them in no time at all… Through assumptions and very poor perception I might add.
What most of the singletons don’t realise is that whilst they are very quick to say what they want, their checklist is fraught.
Our physical appearance will change as we age or through illness. After all, if the only thing ‘wrong’ with someone was the colour of their eyes or hair, should they really be rejected?
Years ago, people kept a job for life but this is no longer the case for many different reasons and most will experience the threat of losing their job at some point in their life so status and financial situations can also change.
The truth is that when you fall in love with somebody, it is normally because of who they are within, their qualities, their personality, their values and their dreams. So if you have one and you are struggling to meet the right person, it is time to throw the checklist away and to start focusing on what really matters.
Are you attracting all the wrong types or no one at all? Are you struggling to meet ‘the one’? The dating roller coaster of emotions can be quite draining… And if you’re serious about meeting somebody, quite disheartening too.
Download your copy of my FREE ebook ‘The Secrets to Successful Dating‘ to find out more about what you can start doing differently…
Interesting stuff. When we get older we don’t see ourselves as others see us, i.e. older!(I’m of course speaking as a man!LOL). Also the older we get the more particular we get as to the qualities sought in a partner, which makes it more difficult.
Not all men want sex as a priority, if they are secure and comfortable within themselves. It is a bi-product of genuine affection, mutual respect and understanding, which may or may not develop into love, but will last more than one night! These men may be less obvious as they don’t have chat up lines at the ready (and practised).
It helps when a common ground or interest is present to bring the best out of both men and women. For example, music in a good medium. I know more blokes who have met their partners watching the same band at the Brook in Portswood Rd than any venue or pub in Southampton for example.
The reason is they are all happy, clearly enjoy the same sort of music, and the common interest lowers barriers or even shyness in both men and women.
Hope your success grows to your target levels
All the best
Thank you Graham.
You are right that we get more particular about what we want with age but that doesn’t necessarily make the way we approach it (or come across sometimes) right. Read this (just released), which is the follow on to ‘The Checklist’.
All the best!